Low-rise jeans are making a comeback and it’s not ok
Remember those awful low-rise jeans you threw out almost 20 years ago? Well, they are coming back and I wish I was joking!
There are only three fashion trends I despise - yes, actually hate. Crocs, of course, but do I really need to explain myself? Secondly, cords. Most people of my generation, who were forced to wear cords every single day of their life, will understand me. It’s more of a personal thing and we don’t need to get into it. Lastly, LOW-RISE-JEANS. You know the ones from the 2000s that Britney wore and looked amazing in and I wore in high school and looked like an actual live muffin top.
They are the absolute worst jeans in the world. They are unflattering, uncomfortable, pointless and absolutely unacceptable for any occasion unless your name is Elle Macpherson or Mick Jagger. If you’re wondering, „What, why?“ let me explain the obvious for you.
Unless you were born without hips or are a 10 year old boy, you’re going to have a muffin top. That even goes for you models out there. I’ve had large hips since I was two, so I know (from unfortunate old photos of myself) how unflattering they can be. Low-rise jeans highlight your hips, so they look awkward on anyone with larger hips. Any excess fat you might have around your hips is squeezed out of every side of your mid-section and presented for the world to see, because no shirt is long enough to cover it. I’ll get back to this in my third point.
If they’re going to be unflattering, they had better be damn comfortable, like UGGs. But they are not, like at all. In order for low-rise jeans to fit well, they have to be a little tight. This leads to excruciating pain after sitting for a few hours or after a bigger meal. Even if your hips are on the smaller size, these jeans will be tight. Otherwise you will be pulling them up every few seconds. You know what I’m talking about, you’ve done it. The kicking of the legs while you pull up your jeans by the belt loops with all your might. And then repeat this action every step you take.
You can’t tuck a single shirt into your jeans. Oh you’ve managed to make yourself look presentable and tucked your pretty blouse in? I dare you to sit down. We both know the minute you do, the back of your muffin says hello to the world while getting a nice breeze. I don’t understand why this style was created. It’s not flattering, not comfortable and you can’t even tuck your freakin’ shirt in, so what are they good for?
Lastly (if you haven’t already gone to throw out your brand new trendy low rises yet), Elle Macpherson is the exception, because, well....she’s „The Body“ and the only one.